Happy Valentine's Day!

I made you some cards. Pick your favorite and tell me in the comments what you're reading this weekend. :)

When GoodReads Hates The Book You Never Wrote

Everyone remember JANE'S SHADOW? For a hot minute that was the working title of CONVERGENCE POINT. The preview went up on GoodReads the same time that THE DAY BEFORE was published and was never removed. I've been told it can't be removed, although I've sent a note to GoodReads to see the Ghost of Titles Past can be exorcised.

In the meantime, it's fun to note that someone is either furious that JANE'S SHADOW is not a real title, or they enjoy maliciously leaving reviews on GoodReads. Either way, a user named L went so far as to review a book that doesn't exist and leave one star for my nonexistent novel.

*sad trombone noises*

One-star reviews on GoodReads are usually notable for their hilarity ("The book is short!" on a free book labeled microfiction). This one is no exception.

I'm dying of curiosity here.

Did L read the rough draft and hate the book?

Is L angry that the book wasn't published under this title?

Does L hate the title?

It's laughable to suggest that L hates me, except that L has been storming around GoodReads leaving 1-star reviews for other authors. So maybe L just hates books?

Is L mad at me for sharing an initial?

The world may never know.

Soon the listing for The Book That Never Was will vanish along with L and the Curious Incident of the L Reviews. If it doesn't, who knows, maybe I'll try to write a story to L's demanding standards. Something that with mixed up tenses, head hopping, and name changing characters. Something worthy of the 1-star review.

I don't know, it kind of sounds like a fun project for a rainy day. To write the worst book in the English language, to garner nothing but 1-star reviews, to aim to be horribly, irretrievably bad!

Although there is Clippy the Word Helper erotica (save yourself! Don't google this!), so the bar for bad is set pretty low.

Happy Fall, Y'all!

Look at those autumn leaves changing color!!!

It's a busy week so I thought I'd share a few autumn pictures from Alaska. Just so you know I'm thinking about you, and your warm weather, and your lack of sub-zero temperatures, and the cost of flights to where you are...

*ahem*

Enjoy the sprightly fall weather!!!

- Liana (who needs you to buy a book so she can afford to buy a plane ticket to somewhere that isn't frozen)

I'm sure there's an autumn song for this...

Look at that bright, gray sky! So cheerful!

You can't tell at this angle, but there are brilliant golden leaves on that birch tree!

Puppy is skeptical but she's willing to chase snowflakes.

Save the date!

November 10th at 9pm EST 

I'll be doing a live chat about villains, bad boys, and girls with guns. There will be books to win and a $25 Amazon gift card. 

So pencil me in for the online meet-and-greet! We are going to have so much fun. :)

Ask Me Anything!!! Please?

I am taking THE DAY BEFORE out on tour to coincide with the cover reveal of CONVERGENCE POINT. One of the blogs is letting me write my own interview.... exciting!

Leave me a question here in the comments section. Every question that winds up in the interview will be an entry into a drawing for a $20 Amazon gift card. Remember, the more unique and interesting the question the more likely it is to be included in the interview. :) 

Now.... ASK ME ANYTHING!!!!

Look at the happy little crab waving pom-poms for you!

I got meme'd!

Isn't this fun! 

Debbie Ridpath Ohi is an illustrator who has drawn some of my kids' favorite books, but that's how I first met her. Back in the dawn of time when I was a young mother with no teenagers and doing my very first NaNoWriMo Debbie was writing weekly NaNo comics to encourage the participants.

I loved reading her comics about the fictional authors struggling to make word count. Her sense of humor and artistic style were fun and unique. And now she's drawn me a doodle!

See, through the miracle of technology that is Twitter Debbie and I occasionally get to chat. I follow her for her daily doodles and writing comics. She follows me because sometimes I make her laugh? I guess? I don't know. Whatever the case may be, I'm lucky to have Debbie around.

Yesterday I woke up to the best surprise ever! Debbie had doodled around one of my review quotes!

Wheee!!!!

How'd your week go?

I'm going to paint the windows!

Fan Fact: The only class I had trouble with in grade school was art. I remember one project where the teacher told us to draw an object laying on top of the paper. "Draw a leaf laying there," she said.

I could picture it in my head. Beautiful autumn leaves laying on the paper. I wanted to draw maple leaves, but I could remember how the crinkles on the edges went, so I drew a fern leaf. I drew it real small and it looked wrong. So I drew a frond. But the frond was out of place. So I drew the whole plant. But a plant can't survive without soil and water so I drew a pot. But the pot was just hanging in the air, so I drew a table. But the table looked strange so I drew the rest of the greenhouse where a fern would grow.

I can still picture what I wanted to draw and remember what I did draw. They were nothing alike. If I'm honest, I'd say it was probably my best piece of art ever. I can't draw. I can't paint. I don't understand perspective and breaking things down to geometric shapes is a magical accomplishment far beyond my skill level.

Yet, somehow, I convinced myself that the best solution for my bedroom window was faux stained glass.

See, I'm in the land of the midnight sun and not only is there light outside my window 24/7 (either sunlight or the flood lights that are triggered by low light) but my "view" such as it is is the mud under the porch. All the bedrooms are in the basement with windows at ground level. It's very depressing to wake up every day and look at mud.

What I'd like to do is paint the windows with a glass paint that I can peel off when we move. The paint exists. The windows are definitely there. What I don't have is a design. There's no way I can freehand this project. I need a design... and you're going to help!

Don't you love getting roped into my crazy fun with no warning? Of course you do! That's why you're still here :)

I have some Alaska postcards. You have ideas. Let's put them together.

Email with a stained glass design I can trace for my window and include your mailing address so I can send a post card. I really want ocean and beach themes for my bedroom, but I'll take cool jungle, castle/fairytale/princess, and Ancient Civilizations (Egypt is a bonus) themes for the other downstairs window.

RULES:
- send your email with the title "Window Art For Liana" so your message doesn't wind up in the spam folder
- 1 email/postcard per person
- no more than 5 images per email (because downloading a crazy amount of pictures is crazy)
- if you send me a virus, you don't get a postcard
- no profane, XXX, erotic, or horror images - I want kid friendly and calming so no creepy fairytales
- if you don't add a mailing address or name I can't send you a postcard

12 Things The Kids Of Authors Think Is Normal

1) Talking To Imaginary Friends
- If their parents can spend all of dinner talking about their main character than holding conversations with stuffed animals is totally normal. Chances are your family holds running conversations for inanimate objects and pets.

2) Deadlines and Deadline Diets
- Ginger ale and popcorn are not an acceptable breakfast... unless the author of the house is on a deadline, in which case ginger is good for digestion and popcorn is a whole grain.

3) Role Playing
- Other kids might live in a house where role playing is strictly D&D but if there is an author in the house you've probably had to stage at least one scene. Sometimes it's a simple fight scene, but if you live with a crime writer you've probably been a corpse before.

4) Author Visits Are REALLY Awkward
- The school librarian is *super* excited that a local author is coming to visit and when the author comes they spend five minutes asking you about how classes are going and how your parents are because the local author is also besties with your parents and you have all their books signed and on the main bookshelf in the house.

5) You Have A Lot Of Bookshelves
- In fact, the school library may have called to see if they could borrow some of your books. When you move half the boxes are filled with books. When someone asks you if you've read that book you have definitely read that book... or at least have it on your to-be-read shelf in your room.

6) You Can Always Get Books
- Authors love books. Authors who are parents will happily splurge on that new Shannon Hale book or Captain Underpants or even another set of Harry Potter (because you must have the new covers darnit!) because they love you and they love to see you reading.

7) Lectures In The Car About The Deeper Meaning

- You're sitting there singing along with a pop song and suddenly your author-parent ambushes you and asks what you think the lyrics mean. You will spend the next hour being peppered with questions about how the song reflects the mood of the nation and the influences of classical literature on popular culture.

8) Multiple Copies Of Books
- You weren't joking about a third set of Harry Potter books.

9) Mourning A Fictional Character
- If someone reading a book bursts into tears the entire house will mourn the loss of a beloved fictional friend. Conversations will be muted, voices hushed, someone might wear black. If your parent has just killed a beloved fan-favorite you will have ice cream for dinner.

10) Writing A Book
- You watch a movie about a person who has wanted to write a book and you wonder how hard it could possibly be. Your parent writes a book, your adopted relatives all write books, Auntie/Uncle Literary Agent sells books... you might even be writing a book!

11) Empathy And Sympathy
- It's scientifically proven that readers are better at relationships because reading teaches us empathy. You learn to think like another person and see the world through their eyes. Readers translate the skill of understanding fictional people to understanding real people which means the kid of an author always has a sympathetic ear and someone who wants to understand what they're going through.

12) Loving Books
- You don't grow up with an author and not learn to appreciate the written word. You may not love every genre but you know books, and book readers, make the best friends!

Happy birthday to the print edition of EVEN VILLAINS HAVE INTERNS! 

Remember, you can never have enough books. Go treat yourself, and grab a book for a friend too. 

Jupiter On My Mind

Source: Hubblesite.org 

We've been at the new house, our Arctic Treehouse, since Wednesday evening. Thursday morning I noticed a peculiar star between the pine trees on the west side of the house. With the help of Twitter, particularly Steve Bevan (@StevetheCanuck), we determined what we could see in the pre-dawn hours (i.e. anything before 10am) was Jupiter.

How cool is that?!?

I can see Jupiter out my living room window! Trust me, the telescope is already added to my birthday wish list (I'm an August baby and I like socks, books, and science geek things). It's become my morning habit to check on Jupiter while I eat breakfast.

What cool things did you do this week? 

The Movers Came...

... and I am so not ready for the boxathon that is coming in a week.

Monday the 15th the invasion begins, which means I need to have everything set and done no later than the 14th. That's only nine days to square away everything, clean my desk of current projects, set the blog and tweets to handle themselves, and remember how to set the away message on my email.

Getting internet hooked up in Alaska is going to be an interesting challenge. They have metered internet up there. METERED. I haven't had to deal with metered internet since before Netflix was invented. I just don't see this ending well.

And then there's the logistic challenge of packing everything needed for a family of six into the allotted airline luggage. Six people, four weeks between packing and unpacking, four hotels, four states (although our stay in Illinois should be brief), and we can only pack 50 pounds per bag AND must be able to fit all bags and kids and Dog into one car.

So that's going to be fun.

... what are you doing in December? Any fun plans? Tropical vacation? Skiing? Reading books by firelight? I'm celebrating the holidays vicariously, so let me know what you're doing this month!

Tomato Sauce

Some years I have the tomato plant that never blooms. Other years I have the tomato plant that won't stop giving.

This year I had a cherry tomato plant whose sprouted with the intent of burying me in sweet, red cherry tomatoes. A wonderful gift, but there is a limit to how many cherry tomatoes I can get my family, neighbors, and random stranger I attack with bags of fruit to eat. Yes, tomatoes are a fruit. Savory, but still fruit.

And, yes, my neighbors did start hiding when they saw me approaching with bags full of tomatoes.

Normally I'd freeze them and forget until I needed to make a sauce of some kind, which can take years. But not this year! Waiting for the "right time" to eat the tomatoes is not a luxury I have with the move looming over my head. So I decided to try canning the tomatoes.

Which meant I tweeted about the tomatoes.

Which means I now owe all of you a tomato sauce recipe and a mass email seems complicated. This way is easier.

LAZY LIANA'S TOMATO SAUCE RECIPE

- one crock pot full of tomatoes (washed but nothing else matters)
- 1/4 water if your crock pot tends to overheat and burn
- 1/4 sugar (maybe)
- 2 tbsp salt
- lemon juice or citric acid for canning (only if you are canning)
- jars, lids, or other containers

1. Take the clean tomatoes and dump them in the slow cooker.
2. Turn the slow cooker on high and put the lid on. Leave for eight hours or so.
3. Mash any of the tomatoes that haven't burst.
4. Turn the slow cooker to low and leave overnight.
5. Take the lid off and watch for a few more hours. Skim the tomato skins if you like.
6. Cool the tomatoes so they aren't molten lava and puree in a blender or food processor (You could use a food grinder and filter out the seeds and skins if you want to be fancy. I don't have one, so I didn't.)
7. Put the tomato sauce back in the slow cooker on low with the lid off.
8. Taste. Add salt. Add sugar if needed. A little goes a long way so don't overdue it.
9. Continue cooking until the sauce reaches desired consistency (probably very soon).

From here you could put the sauce to good use as the base for chili, spaghetti, salsa, or pizza sauce. You could freeze it. Or you could put it in a jar and into the fridge for a week or so.

If you want to can the sauce you need sterile canning jars, sterile lids, a boiling water bath (literally a giant pot of boiling water - it's easier than cooking noodles), and lemon juice. The Ball canning recipe says 1 tbsp lemon juice per pint and 2 tbsp per quart.  Adjust depending on the size of your jars. Then boil for 35-40 minutes (the larger jars stay in longer) and let them cool on the counter overnight.


How simple is this? If you have a spare corner in your kitchen and a blender this is a recipe you can do in your sleep. Actually work time is less than ten minutes if you freeze the sauce.

I am moving to...

... ANCHORAGE!!!

Yeah, the one in Alaska. The place where it's winter 10 months of the year and a chilly autumn for the other sixty days. This place...

... and as we all know, I was born on the other end of the country in San Diego where 75F/25C is considered warm jacket and boots weather. And while this will ensure a white Christmas unless global warming speeds up...

... my idea of the ideal White Christmas looks a little more like this...

I'm in for a culture shock. But, you know, with the economy the way it is we can't turn down work. My husband has been offered a job in Anchorage and we're going to take it. Even if it means flying four kids up from Kansas over winter break. Apologies in advance to the flight crew and passengers of whatever luckless flight we take. My kids have never flown and they've never sat still for eight hours either. I'll bring extra earplugs for you. 

But enough about me, as long as I have internet I won't be that far away, and you all want books!

The winner of the giveaway is...

JAX BLUNT!!!!

Jax, email me and tell me what format you prefer ebooks in (.mobi or .epub) and to which email address you want them sent. 

For everyone else, thank you for guessing and feel free to hit the Breathless Press birthday sale where the Heroes and Villains series is half off for the month of August. 

Weekend Fun And Games

Are you ready to play a game? I know I am! Let's play "Where Is Liana Moving Next?"

Isn't it a fun game? I've been playing it for months now while my husband put out job applications. Fun, fun, fun! And now we have an answer. But just telling you where I'm going would too boring. So let's guess where I'm going, okay? Leave your answer in the comments and on Monday I will pick a random right answer to win a set of my books. Because books are fun.

Am I moving to...
1) Pensacola, Florida (i.e. the beautiful place we left in 2013 with beaches and friends and fun)
2) Jackson, Mississippi (Deep South, hot summer, good food... who doesn't love Ol' Miss?)
4) Anchorage, Alaska (where they have more snow than I ever want to see)
5) Denver, Colorado (also way too frikkin cold, but close to family)
6) Atlanta, Georgia (where they have whale sharks!)

Not sure? I'll give you some hints. Put your answer in the comment box as soon as you guess and be sure to tell me how many hints it took you to reach your answer. :)


Hint #1, there's a road that looks like this!!!

Look at all that sunshine! 

Hint #2, there's a wall that looks like this!!!

Hint #3, the view at night is spectacular!!!

Hint #4, my new neighbors look something this....

Where do you think I'm going???

School Starts In A Week

So the blog is getting a wee bit neglected. There's a million things to do: shopping and writing and craziness. While I'm running around, why not give me some short story ideas? The Twins Of Darkness And Good blog needs some new fodder.

Free Comic Book Day!

Tomorrow (Saturday May 3rd) is Free Comic Book Day!!! Yipee! 

I first about this, oh, years ago. But last year was the first time I participated. Honestly, I prepped for it like I was going to a test. Could I name all the main X-Men? When was the first Batman comic? How many times has Captain America died?

I'd heard all these horror stories about how people treated girls in Geekdom that I was worried I'd have to run the gauntlet to get my kids some comic books.

Turns out, it was awesome! Last year Free Comic Book Day was also on Star Wars Day (May the 4th Be With You) and there were female bounty hunters. Needless to say, I was thankful for the lady cosplayers who made such kick-butt costumes, and my kids were entranced.

Plus, free comic books! There was a huge selection, lots of families, and no one hassled me or questioned my Geek-cred before they let me buy some extra comics. ... Of course I bought some extras! One does not wander into a book store and not buy all the books! It's simply not done.

Go to FreeComicBookDay.com, find a shop near you that's celebrating, and go get your Geek on tomorrow!

Travel Plans?

Summer is fast approaching. You can't tell by the weather around here, but summer is coming.

*looks out the window and hopes the weather takes a hint*

Anyway, summer for me means travel plans. Family reunions, going to historical sites, looking at dinosaurs at the museum... all sorts of fun! Which makes me wonder, if you had a month to travel and unlimited funds, where would you go this summer?

Leave me a note in the comments and we'll plan our dream vacations together!

Who's Your Fictional Date?

You know all those birth date memes that tell you you'll be stabbing zombies with the thing to the left of you in an alley named after your shirt color? Yes, they get trite don't they? Especially the book ones. Obviously the target meme audience is under 25 because all the book "heroes" are YA male leads who may or may not be heroic depending on how melancholy you like your men.

So I fixed it for you!

Now you can enter your birth date (but not year because I figure you're old enough to date who you like) and you can find your perfect date for Saturday night! Worse case scenario, you don't know who these people are and you've just found your weekend read! It's a win-win scenario!

Birth Date

1-5: Kiss

6-11: Go out for ice cream with

12-17: Save the world with.

18-31: Watch a movie with (and then maybe have fun after).

Birth Month (for those who like boys)

January - Jason Wander (Orphanage) 

February - Harry Potter (Harry Potter series)

March - Percy Jackson (Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief)

April - Harry Dresden (Storm Front)

May - Ari Roseelin-Metadi (Price of the Stars) 

June - Drizzt Do'urden (Homeland, Sojourn, Exile)

July - Faramir (Return of the King)

August - Brandon Kel-Paton (Games of Command)

September - Captain Wentworth (Persuasion)

October - F'lar (Dragon Rider)

November - Aragorn (Lord of the Rings)

December - Jon Snow (Game of Thrones)

Birth Month (for those who like girls)

January- Ygritte (Game of Thrones)

February - Lessa (Dragon Rider)

March - Rowan (Rowan by Anne McCaffery)

April - Beka Rosellin-Metadi (Price of the Stars_

May - Eowyn (Two Towers)

June - Arilyn Moonblade (Elfshadow)

July - Annabeth Chase (Percy Jackson series)

August - Kate Daniels (Magic Bites) 

September - Kaylin (Chronicles of Elantra)

October - Anne Elliot (Persuasion)

November - Captain Tanya Desjani (The Lost Fleet)

December - Amaranthe Lokdon (The Emperor's Edge) 

April 1st, you evil bastard...

April Fool's Day, the day we honor the bully.

The origins on April Fool's Day date back to a time when counting was an imprecise art and calendars were changed on a regular basis. In more modern and civilized cultures we change calendars by putting new pictures over nice, orderly numbers. Back in the day, they added extra months. This was all highly confusing, especially for the illiterate population (meaning about 80% of the population), and led to some people mistakenly celebrating New Year's Day on April 1st as they had for centuries.

Since some utter bastard in Rome had gone and changed the calendar those who stubbornly stuck to their April celebrations were teased and ridiculed into celebrating in January - the month of Janus - and were eventually silenced (or bullied to death).

To say it's not my favorite holiday might be something of an exaggeration. I can't name all the holidays that crowd the calendar any more. I don't know when International Pancake Day is, or Grandparent's Day, or Mothering Sunday. So, who knows, maybe there's a worse holiday. Or maybe I miss the joy of pranks... I was never into pranks as a kid. They always seem a little mean, but I know adults who think gluing a quarter to the sidewalk is THE final word in humor.

...

I worry about those people.

If you want funny, go read some Terry Pratchett. Find a satirist you love. Tell knock-knock jokes.

And forgive me if I'm not online giggling about Netflix not optioning Firefly (I'm still not over that!), or watching a funny prank where someone's chair "broke" and now they're in the hospital. Human suffering isn't funny. Cruelty is not cool.

However, if you have a corny knock-knock joke, feel free to leave it in the comment box for me. I love a good knock-knock joke (kid safe please!).

The Insanity of Spring Break

You know the drill. Spring rolls around and like clockwork the school system dumps your little terrors in your lap the week before a book deadline (self-imposed or otherwise) and the weather fluctuates from wildly beautiful to simply wild and you're trying to convince the savages to not roast the couch cushions in mud sauce.

When Spring Break hits the only thing for a wise parent to do is batten the hatches and wait for the storm to roll past. Certain things will take a hit, like cleaning and blogging. Certain things suddenly become top priorities, like walking five miles at the zoo so the kids can see every single monkey in the state. And then you acquire strange things you never knew you needed, like stuffed green monkeys without tails.

What I'm trying to say is.... I will bake you cookies by the plateful if you come rescue me from the natives long enough for me to get some editing done tomorrow. Big plates full of cookies. Or something else. I make really good food. What do you want to eat? What bribery will get you to distract my children for a few hours?

*listens to crickets*

I'll take that as a no. I guess I'll resort to the time honored method of letting my children play outside with sticks. What could possible go wrong?

Happy spring break!
Liana

Are the boxes unpacked yet?

Ha, ha, you're so funny!

So.... I finally have a couch! A real sectional couch that I picked out with my family and paid money for and had delivered with the tags from the factory still on them. I feel like such an adult!

And several of you have asked for pictures of the new digs. And I keep saying it'll happen as soon as I have the boxes unpacked. And I still haven't unpacked the wall of boxes from my bedroom.

I think I may have to sacrifice some writing time to finish the unpacking. While I'm at it, I might go hang up the pictures that are stacked on the Kid's desk and corral the mess that is my office space right now.

Then I can get you pictures of the new house! Exciting! Well... sort of exciting. As exciting as my life gets at any rate.

Tell me stories while I unpack. What exciting things have you been up to?