#ContactForm1 { display: none ! important; }

Friday, July 27, 2012

Welcome to the #HeroHop With Dr. Charm

VILLAIN Hop. That should say Welcome to the Villain's Hop, Ladies. And gentlemen too, I suppose. You gents feel free to shuffle in and find a seat in the back somewhere, feel free to take notes.

Now, Ladies... I understand your confusion at finding an eloquent, intelligent, well-dressed, heterosexual man here rather than the promised muscle-bag "hero" society normally foists off on you. It makes sense after a fashion. If the "hero" is too stupid to think his way out of a wet paper bag then the universe must at least have blessed him with a cock that would make a horse envious.

To which I say: steroids.

All those muscle-bound meat heads are limp as month-old celery. You can't get them up with viagra, and let's face it, you could have a better conversation with your vibrator.

Now, I'm not suggesting a threesome - Tabitha doesn't like to share - but I feel it is my duty as a pillar of the super villain community to promote the villains. Really, give evil geniuses a chance.

Just look at what the typical hero has to offer....

BROODING STARE - Perfected in Gothic romances placed on windswept moors the Brooding Hero stares off into the distance, a wall of impenetrable mystique. Do you know why he's staring? Because there's buggerall else to do, his entire conversational (and probably sexual) experience revolves around sheep, and the last two brain cells he hasn't drunk into oblivion are dying of loneliness and neglect. Bang him if you like, but remember to bathe after. Sheep have fleas and so does he.

HELPFUL NEIGHBOR - I thought the video for "Call Me Maybe" was all the hint you needed. Yes, he's sweet. He'll change your tire, take you shoe shopping, and remember your birthday. He also kisses a picture of me before bed every night. Give up and buy batteries, this guy will never give you what you want.

THE MAN WITH A PAST - He's been wounded, betrayed, and abandoned. He has Issues. He's fifty shades of In Need Of A Therapist. Did you want a lover who you could trust with your heart, body, and soul? To bad, you adopted the equivalent of the ugly dog who isn't housebroken. Sure, he's so ugly he's almost cute, and there's a chance for kinky sex, but at the end of the day you're stuck with a guy who has the emotional maturity of bait fish.


Rather than kiss your dreams goodbye, why not kick the "hero" out and find a real man. Here's my list of what to look for in a potential Soulmate based on seven years of happy marriage (and a few very rocky months).

PLANS FOR WORLD DOMINATION - He will never forget your birthday. He will never forget your anniversary. He will never give you a smelly jacket leftover from high school instead of a real present. Sure, the brooding man on the moors can give you a crumbling castle, but the Evil Overlord can you give you the world.

MINIONS - Do you know what the market price of a good babysitter is? I don't, I have minions. When my wife wants to go to see the latest movie, or spend the night at the museum we leave the kids with my hyper-intelligent (because I designed them that way) minions and go out. No calling around trying to find a teenager who is both responsible enough to tie their own shoes AND single. Nope. We just go. As the bumper sticker says: No Minions, No Romance.

THE ABILITY TO IMPROVISE - Every good villain knows that no plan survives first contact with the enemy. As such, every successful villain has learned to think on the fly. We are used to the capricious whims of fate, which means super villains are prepared to adapt to your changing needs. A woman's mind moves quickly, like a supercomputer you can consider many options at once and change topics at speeds that leave a "hero" with whiplash. Your average Man With A Past won't even notice, because he never listens. But a villain? A villain will not only listen to every word you say but will have an informed opinion, a shoulder to cry on, and chocolate. True, it may be stolen chocolate, but it's chocolate and it's your favorite kind.


Now, wouldn't you rather spend your night with a super villain. Crime isn't the only thing we excel at...

Because this is a blog hop I've been persuaded to give away more than just good advice that will improve your love life immeasurably. First, a $10 gift certificate to Tabitha's favorite sock store, SOCK DREAMS. Second, a copy of my story EVEN VILLAINS FALL IN LOVE, because I think we need to spend more time together. (How many heroes tell you that and aren't trying to get you out of your pants? That's right: none.)

The blog hop grand prizes are as follows:

1st Grand Prize: A Kindle Fire or Nook Tablet

2nd Grand Prize: A $50 Amazon or B&N Gift Card

3rd Grand Prize: The following Swag Pack!


Winning is simple, just leave a comment with your email address below. I'd love to hunt down a winner if they forgot, but I promised my wife I would give up the criminal life, and I keep my promises at least ninety-eight percent of the time. You can earn extra entries for this blog by tweeting, facebooking, blogging, or buying... just hit the buttons on the rafflecopter widget.

If you do not see links below click HERE to go to the main hop page.

a Rafflecopter giveaway



69 comments:

  1. Love Magneto. Not the movie version, but the comic one. I guess he's also considered 'a man with a past' since he's essentially all screwy in the head from surviving WW2

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Remember to leave your email so we can contact you if you win!

      Delete
    2. Whoops :) winkipinki1134(at)hotmail(dot)com

      Delete
  2. Dr. Charm is charming. How can I resist? He is everything I wanted in a man.

    Good thing that Carvis is also everything I wanted in a man. :)

    In case something weird happens and I actually win something, my email is redvixen_horn@hotmail.com *ominous music plays*

    ReplyDelete
  3. I am not sure who my favorite villains are, but I always hope they turn good in the end. I donate blood every year where I work :-)
    Yvette
    yratpatrol@aol.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are awesome! Thank you for being a real life hero.

      Delete
  4. great characters in your books. great blog contest.
    kintana002000@yahoo.com

    ReplyDelete
  5. I think Clay Morrow from the Sons of Anarchy t.v. show is my favorite villain. Great post, very original! Thank you for the giveaway.
    kaylyndavis1986@yahoo.com

    ReplyDelete
  6. I so love Dr. Charm! And any hero who comes with minions is my type of hero.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Cole from the EVERNEATH by Brodi Ashton. :)

    madisonlouisesbooks@hotmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  8. I want a MINION!! if he comes with those - I'm in.

    glhince@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  9. I do adore Dr. Charm. I love a Machiavellian mind.

    ReplyDelete
  10. dr. charm is so great!

    parisfan_ca@yahoo.com

    ReplyDelete
  11. I can't think of one offhand, but I must say I love Dr. Charm's honesty and smartaleckiness.
    vitajex(at)aol(dot)com

    ReplyDelete
  12. Great post! It totally cracked me up. I gotta read that book!
    molly(dot)frenzel(at)gmail(dot)com

    ReplyDelete
  13. I don't think I have a favorite villain...I'm going to have to think about that one. Thanks for participating in the hop! emily joy drake at gmail dot com

    ReplyDelete
  14. Dr Charm how can anyone argue with your logic and you have minions (babysitters here in the Baltimore area go for $10 an hour) as far as villains go I need to start taking closer look at them apparently :O) Carin
    mawmom(at)gmail(dot)com

    ReplyDelete
  15. Dr. Charm. <^_^>
    Thanks for being part of the hop and for the chance to win.
    reneebennett35 (at) yahoo (dot) com

    ReplyDelete
  16. Dr Charm I think won me over to the villains ;). My fave might be Stryker of the Dark Hunter series.

    vampiresmistress2010(at)gmail(dot)com

    ReplyDelete
  17. Favorite villain? Hmmmm...I'd have to say I can't think of one. I'm sort of a hero girl. I do like bad boy types, though. Vishous from the BDB, for instance. Or JR's Adrian from the Fallen Angels are two that jump to mind.

    tccmp30@msn.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm sure Dr. Charm could win you over if you gave him a chance.

      Delete
  18. Thanks for the chance to win!
    natasha_donohoo_8 at hotmail dot com

    ReplyDelete
  19. I'm not a big fan of villains. A hero with flaws is more my style. Fun post.

    Wolphcall(at)bellsouth(dot)net

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The difference between a flawed hero and a villain is a matter of perception. Some of the best heroes were people fighting the law. In their own time, they were criminals and terrorists. Only after they win do they become heroes. Think of Robin Hood... a thief and a hoodlum but still a beloved hero. He really was a super villain. :)

      Delete
  20. Very fun post! Gotta love Dr. Charm :D

    bethovermyer@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  21. That's an interesting out look, but, I'll stick to my military heroes.
    Enjoy the hop.
    bidelia78@yahoo.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I do have a weak spot for military heroes. They're more human than the average hero.

      Delete
  22. Oh, that's a hilarious post, Liana. Captures your villain/hero perfectly. :P

    torymichaels(at)live(dot)com.

    ReplyDelete
  23. I am all about the villains. Give me a wicked man with a quick mind (and even quicker fingers) and I'm putty in your hands! Really, a good villain can pull a mediocre story out of the dregs and rocket a good story into awesomeness.


    filthyrottenangel AT gmail DOT com

    ReplyDelete
  24. Ares from Xena

    bituin76 (at) hotmail (dot) com

    ReplyDelete
  25. XD I am converted! Smart is sexy. Know any single villains still looking? I make terrific brownies and mean chocolate-chip oatmeal cookie. Just think of all the campy T-shirts and aprons you could truthfully give your minions to wear.


    Mmm, bonus points if he's got glasses... rebekkahniles (at) gmail.

    ReplyDelete
  26. My favorite hero/ villian would have to be the same person. He is from the romance/music manga Nana. His name is Takumi and he will stop at nothing to have Nana. He is so bad he is good. :)
    Debdebss@yahoo.com

    ReplyDelete
  27. Love your post! Whether Hero or Villain, he'd best be able to improvise and get the job done!

    cms72023(at)gmail(dot)com

    ReplyDelete
  28. I'll say Dexter!

    minnie2297@yahoo.com

    ReplyDelete
  29. Loved your post! Hero or villain, I think I'd take both along with a sense of humor.

    JessieL62@comcast.net

    ReplyDelete
  30. Not sexy or anything, but I have always loved Dr. Hannibal Lecter. He is definitely a villain that you can love, he usually only killed bad guys.
    manning_j2004 at yahoo dot com

    ReplyDelete
  31. I would love to read this book. I heard good things. Thanks for the giveaway.
    kimberly.a.shook(at)gmail(dot)com

    ReplyDelete
  32. My favourite villian is Loki. He just rings my bell! :o) Many thanks for the giveaway and for an awesome blog hop.
    tamsyn5(at)yahoo(dot)com

    ReplyDelete
  33. I think I might be in love lol!
    achbarrow(at)gmail(dot)com

    ReplyDelete
  34. So funny! Love the villains too! Thanks for participating. wilckjz(at)optonline(dot)net

    ReplyDelete
  35. Dr. Charm for sure..


    ronnkelly3@aol.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You get an extra cookie. Good answers. :)

      Delete
  36. I can't think of a villain I love best because they're a villain for a reason. If I had to think of names for ultimate villains, they'd be:

    Movies: Hannibal Lecter
    Books: I'm reading one now, and the villain is so despicable it's chilling *shudders*
    Games: Sephiroth from Final Fantasy VII

    None of them were redeemable, so there was no romantic connection to them, lol.

    msromanticreads(at)gmail(dot)com

    ReplyDelete
  37. Dexter angelwolfmystic@yahoo.com

    ReplyDelete
  38. Thanks so much for the chance!
    sqwalker2@hotmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  39. Robin ChristofaroJuly 29, 2012 at 9:21 PM

    Even villains can be sexy!

    robin.christofaro@yahoo.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, yes they can. Dr. Charm especially. *fans self*

      Delete
  40. Thank you so much for the great giveaway! I do love the bad boys!
    Latisha D
    tishajean@ charter.net

    ReplyDelete
  41. What a great post! I can't think of a villain that I think is a sexy hero. Most of them are just too easy to dislike! LOL!

    suz2(at)cox(dot)net

    ReplyDelete
  42. I have to say Loki. Thanks for the giveaway.

    mythic021@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  43. I can't think of any! eekkk!

    lena.grey.iam@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  44. Sooo this may be weird, but I loooved the Joker from the batman movie. Love the concept, his actions that are super crazy, and everything about him. AWESOME villain!!

    Thank you for the opportunity :) Loving all the stories about Heroes!!!

    brunettelibrarian AT gmAil . c0m
    The Brunette Librarian Blog

    ReplyDelete
  45. If this isn't open to international then just ignore me;)
    chantal(at)chantalhalpin(dot)co(dot)uk

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think SockDreams ships internationally, and the e-reader is open internationally. :)

      Delete
  46. Still gonna say Baal. Charming, sexy and looks great in leather (and I mean really, really great) plus there's that gorgeous accent and bone-melting smile... yeah, totally in love :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, from you I expect nothing less.

      Delete
  47. You do make a good arguement for villains.
    oeamis(at0carolina(dot)rr(dot)com

    ReplyDelete
  48. A Villian...hmmmm! I can't think of one that jumps out at me :( Thanks for the chance to win :) raynman1979 at yahoo dot com

    ReplyDelete
  49. Thank you for the chance to win!!
    Jesscaashley(at)yahoo(dot)com

    ReplyDelete
  50. Lots of "good" villains, but no one favorite!
    Thanks for the giveaway and the chance to win.

    Pat C.
    p-cochran@juno.com

    ReplyDelete
  51. Oh my god! I love this post! :0) Favorite villain? Hmm. Catwoman, does she count? I hope I win!

    Jesse
    jesse.kimmelfreeman@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I love Catwoman! She's one of my favorites, as is The Baroness.

      Delete
  52. I'm gonna go with Lothaire from Immortals after Dark series, he is pretty bad, but I still luv him. Thx for giveaway.

    blinkysthebest(AT)aol(DOT)com

    ReplyDelete
  53. My all time favorite villan is Darth Vader. Yeah...I'm that cheesy!
    Mel
    bournmelissa at hotmail dot com

    ReplyDelete
  54. Loved the post! I'm a fan of Darth Vader, but I have to go with Megamind. He made being bad look like so much fun :)

    ReplyDelete
  55. Ah, just when your villains thought you'd get away with "66" comments... I come along! Ha ha. Well maybe you'll get lucky and 2 more people will stop by- a kinky number of comments is almost as divine, isn't it? ;)

    ReplyDelete
  56. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  57. Thanks for the fun hop! :)
    shadowluvs2read(at)gmail(dot)com

    ReplyDelete