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Saturday, April 2, 2011

Six Sentence Sunday - Deleted Scene


In the original draft of JANE DOE agents Samantha Rose and L.E. MacKenzie never became friends. He found out her secret and blackmailed her into helping him shake his prescription drug addiction. I pictured him following her like a faithful dog, silent and sturdy and as omnipresent as God.

It didn't work.

Mac started in my mind as a gangly Igor and developed into a quiet man with a dry sense of humor and a heavy dose of self-loathing. He started the book on the brink of suicide, so lost in depression and guilt he couldn't see what good he could do. To that end one of my favorite scenes was cut.

Mac came over to blackmail Samantha and she misunderstood what he wanted. The conversation took a horrible turn for the worse. Nearly two pages long I couldn't put the whole scene up for Six Sentence Sunday, so here's the punch line:

“You don’t want me naked?” Sam blurted out in relief. Drug rehab was so much easier than casual sex with The Thing. She looked up to see MacKenzie staring at her in wide-eyed disbelief.

“Is naked an option?”

Her cheeks flamed hot. “No, definitely not."


Click here for other fabulous SIX SENTENCE SUNDAY posts!

Photo courtesy of and copyright to Martin Haburaj. You can find his work, including the photo of Lucy HERE. She is almost exactly what I picture Sam as, although she's a little tall.

20 comments:

  1. LOL, I love how you flirt with the sex concepts and give us just a peak into your character's thoughts.

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  2. LOL. I love the innocent way you approach this. Like anyone would ask that question.
    Nice six.

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  3. Love this! It sounds like a great book!

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  4. Is naked an option, what a great line. Love it.

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  5. Heh, definitely a punchline. Very funny, very well done.

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  6. I can see why you regretted having to cut this. Maybe you can use it elsewhere?

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  7. Jessica K. - If I can work it back in during edits in April, I will. There's one scene late in the book where I could bring in the same line from a different angle.

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  8. Heh, a deleted scene - like a DVD extra in text format :D

    This six makes me want to read the rest of the scene. Shame it's on the cutting room floor!

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  9. This sounds great - I love the line about getting naked being an option!

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  10. lol I liked it! Sounds like a really good book :-)

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  11. Excellent! Awesome dialogue. He sounds like quite the intriguing character. I'd love to hear more about him.

    PS: I see from your profile you are a marine biologist. Uh-oh. I see I am going to have watch what I say about the coral!

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  12. Nakedness is always an option! ;-) Great six! Can't wait to see more.

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  13. LOL! Is naked an option. GREAT!! Though I can't imagine rehab being easier than sex...ever. heh heh

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  14. I really like it! Dragging our heros down into the gutters and trying to redeem them is such a wonderful challenge! Sounds like you're doing well with this!

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  15. lol at the nakedness is not option. :)

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  16. Great dialog. Loved the bit of humor.

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  17. Too bad that got cut, it was very funny. At least we got to enjoy it here.

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  18. Great dialogue. They sound like an interesting pair :)

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