I Didn't Mean To Offend You [trigger warnings: eating disorders]

I see this a lot on the 'net. I've heard it a few times in person. And I know the socially acceptable thing is to quickly forgive someone who offended you if they say they didn't mean it. For example, let's say someone callously remarks on my weight, and issue I've struggled with since my teen years...

THEM: "Hey, girl, you should go to the gym or something!"
ME: "It's cool, I work out at home."
THEM: "You work out? Really? Like real workouts?"
ME: "Hey now, that's rude!"
THEM: "Don't get offended, I just mean you're still fat. Maybe you should diet. You don't need to get all upset."

The truth is... this is a hot button issue for me and I don't like people mentioning my weight. At all. Ever. It's a taboo topic in my household.

The person who brought it up was expressing the simple fact that they haven't seen me lose weight (which is kind of weird because inevitably these comments come from people you don't know and who probably don't know you're losing weight unless you shrink in front of them), and they're probably dealing with their own body issues and want to share the success/regrets with a fellow human being. They're trying to bond.

The problem is that it is offensive to me. My feelings were hurt. I was upset. Instantly forgiving someone because they didn't mean to cause offense invalidates my feelings. In essence, the person says, "You can't be angry because I don't feel angry." Or, "You can't be upset because that is not the reaction I demand from you."

Do you see the problem here?

Let's flip this around a little and use one of those insidiously popular phrases that always hurt. My friend is a gorgeous woman with a fabulous gym-toned body and a great attitude. Her least favorite thing was having envious woman talk to her and learn she has four kids because the next words out of their mouth were always, "I hate you."

All people knew about her was that she was physically fit and magazine-cover-ready with four kids. That's not a good reason to hate someone.

But they'd always say, "Well I'm just joking! No need to be offended."

Can you imagine if every stranger created you with, "I hate you." Joking or not, that wears thin after about thirty seconds. And, of course, people were upset and confused that she didn't great their hate with laughter and open arms. I knew her well enough to know that this had been going on since childhood. She matured faster than her peers and had dealt with the girl-on-girl hate fostered by society since her early teens.

BUT! But, I hear you cry, you can't know what everyone's triggers are and you can't get through life without talking to people. Avoiding all human contact isn't socially acceptable so at some point you'll have to talk to someone and you might inadvertently offend them. The person should forgive because you didn't mean it... right?

WRONG.

Before someone can forgive you, you need to apologize.

Usually people don't apologize. They state that they didn't mean to offend anyone, but they take no responsibility for their actions.  It's very rare to hear someone say, "I didn't mean to offend you, I'm sorry I did. I won't do that again. Please forgive me."

If you didn't mean to offend someone but managed to, apologize. Own your mistake. Humans do stupid things sometimes. It's part of being human. So it's okay if you, a human, make a mistake. Apologize. Move on.

Because the alternative is that you did intend to offend someone, you wanted to make them hurt, but you were called out for bullying and don't like it so you're now trying to hide behind the pathetic excuse that invalidates the victim's feelings and tries to once again regain control of the situation. And that ain't cool. If you are hurting people because you enjoy inflicting emotional pain, seek professional help. There's nothing cool about being a bully.

The lost art of ...

My freshman year of high school I signed with a talent agency. I was thin, leggy, and although I would never have the height needed to be a super model my features were striking enough that the agency thought I would do well in photo work or acting. It never went anywhere, but one of the things drilled into me on Tuesday nights between flounces down the catwalk was that I needed to be polite. The industry was small. People talked. Being polite opened doors.

Before my first job interview my agent pulled me aside and asked me if I had a thank you letter written. He patiently explained that no matter what - no matter how awful the interview went - I was to send a thank you card. The card was written and addressed before the interview, and I mailed it on the way out of the building.

There were a few cases in my struggling college-student days where that made a difference. I was hired because the thank you card arrived a few days after the interview and that was enough to boost me to the front of the line.

Now, in the digital age where an email can be ripped off in ten seconds flat, gratitude still matters.

A few years ago I was in a unique situation where someone I knew needed help I was able to offer. I didn't make a big deal of it, but I did what I could whenever I could. Once or twice turned into regular help over a period of several months and I never heard a thank you. When I hit my own set back and wasn't able to help this friend, that's when I heard about it. An angry phone call quickly let me know that what I'd done out of neighborly kindness and an attempt at Southern Hospitality had been accepted as something owed this person. I had something they wanted, so I should give it to them. It was like getting a phone call from Gollum. It was the effort to do good met with no gratitude and a heavy dose of entitlement.

Entitlement kills marriages, friendships, and careers.

No one owes you a job. It doesn't matter what degree you have or how hard you work, that job does not have your name on it.

No one owes you love. They will love you and care for you if they want to, but they don't owe you love and they won't love you if that affection is returned with cool indifference or raging demands.

No one owes you a friendship. You are not entitled to the adoration of everyone you meet. And even if you are sparkling light of a person, not everyone will like you. That's life. It isn't fair.

It doesn't matter whether it's a job interview or time spent with a friend, say thank you. Let them know you appreciate the time spent, the feedback given, and the energy expended on your behalf. Maybe the feedback isn't helpful. Maybe you didn't get the job. It doesn't matter. Be grateful.

It doesn't matter if you worked your butt off earning what you have, be grateful. Hard work does wonders, but not miracles. Everything you have is because somewhere along the way hard work ran into luck and the universe worked in your favor. I can introduce you to millions of people whose hard work never got them that promotion, or book deal, or wonderful relationship.

Be grateful for what you have. Say thank you. Because no matter what industry you're in, it's a small world and people remember the thank you.

Missing Spoons

The spoons are missing.

I've never done an actual inventory and counted spoons before, but I know the number of spoons I personally have bought for this house is well into the double digits. Big spoons. Little spoons. Giant soup spoons. Even a heart-shaped set of measuring spoons And now I can't find any of them.

Confused, I tried to think where all the spoons might have gone. The dishes were all accounted for, so it's safe to assume the spoons didn't elope under a cow-jumped moon. No one had taken pudding to school recently, so I ruled out the possibility that someone's desk was full of forgotten utensils. But we were low of yogurt, and Bug loves to eat his yogurt on the porch.

The porch outside. Made of wood. With cracks between the wood...

You see where I'm going with this.

I went outside to the sunny spot where Bug likes to eat his yogurt and watch the bees flit between the hibiscus and the roses. I looked over the edge of the porch to the damp ground. I checked under the bushes. And, almost inevitably, my gaze was drawn down to a glint of silver shining under the porch. Under the porch that's built up and you can't get under without tearing out slats. That porch.

Yup.

There was a pile of spoons sitting there. I could picture the scene all too easily. The first spoon was dropped by accident. He'd been playing, or maybe the spoon had been laid aside so he could run and then a careless foot kicked it into the crack.

He would have to investigate after that. He's four, after all, and four-year-olds are little scientists. He probably had a branch that he poked the fallen spoon with. Maybe he called his sister over. And then he was distracted by something, too distracted to mention the lost spoon to Mommy.

And, when he went out to eat another yogurt one quiet afternoon after school, he saw the light shattering over the silver. He dropped the second spoon in to give the first a friend. The two spoons hitting together made a noise, and my son loves noises. So other spoons followed.

One by one, day by day, the spoons have migrated from their snug kitchen drawer to the dirt under the porch, a gift for a future archeologist or - more likely - someone clearing the wreckage after the next hurricane blows through.

Meanwhile, I'm left eating my ice cream with a fork.

An Inner Voice

"I can do squats forever."

That was never my mantra. After another grueling workout (aren't they all grueling?) I was confiding to a friend that I hadn't enjoyed the 150+ squats we'd done between weight lifting exercises. She looked at me, clearly puzzled, and said, "Really? I could do squats forever. You just stick your butt out."

A few weeks later I found the phrase running through my head as we squatted to yet another dance remix. One random aside, not meant for encouragement or anything, and I internalized it. Which only goes to prove that workouts are largely a mental challenge.

Sure, there are physical limitations, but nine times out of ten the brain quits long before the muscles. This happens in life too. It's not uncommon for a person to look a difficult task and just... NOPE.



Sometimes that's how I feel about writing a scene, or editing a synopsis, or opening an email from an agent that I'm 99% sure is a rejection. Just... NOPE. Not going to happen. But, as I've learned at the gym, I can handle it. The trick is to feed the little voice inside that says, "I can" instead of feeding the one that says, "I can't."

Sometimes it's as simple as listening to a friend's positive words. "Emails always bring good news." Or just diving in, because rough drafts are meant to be ROUGH dashitall! Sometimes it takes putting on my big girl shoes (metal-toed boots work well for this) and just stomping through. Never underestimate the healing power of brute force when it comes to writing. Or must video games. Brute force gets things done.

*ahem*

But, back on topic!

Don't internalize the negative voices. Don't listen to people with broken dreams because all they want to do is break your dreams to.

Listen: You can do this. It's not as hard as you think. You are unique. There is a problem out there that only you can solve, and you need to keep going until you find that one thing only you can do.

- Liana

The "I Love You" Box

Several things triggered the need for this post... my husband coming home after nine months, reintegrating said spouse into the family, adjusting to not being a single parent again, and the web series "Welcome to Sanditon" starring Gigi Darcy from "The Lizzie Bennet Diaries" both written by Bernie Su.

An odd combination? Not really. SANDITON was an unfinished novel written by acclaimed author Jane Austen (the creator of Elizabeth Bennet of PRIDE AND PREJUDICE fame). Jane started the novel the winter prior her death and never completed it. Death isn't something the under-50 set talks about a lot. It's certainly not something covered by my education. I learned how to titrate things and dissect Russian literature but never how to plan for my death, which strikes me as a little impractical as I write this. Shouldn't setting up a will be part of economics in year nine?

I think people are afraid to talk about death, as if avoiding the word can somehow save them from the inevitable. SPOILER ALERT! It can't.

And I'm at an age now where I've seen the fallout of sudden death in families. I've seen mothers unexpectedly taken from their families by car accidents. I've seen husbands who left widows who were barely out of college. It happens. It happens without warning or thought. A careless choice on the part of someone who often walks away unscathed leaves a family without daughter or son, husband or wife, mother or father.

Which is why everyone - regardless of age - needs an I Love You box for everyone you leave behind.

I talked about this on Twitter a few weeks ago and very few people seemed familiar with this idea, so let me break it down. The I Love You box is everything your family/parents/roommate/friends will need to handle your worldly affairs after you kick the proverbial bucket:
- Will
- living will
- list of bills
- list of medicines for kids/pets
- names, phone numbers, and addresses for doctors, dentists, vets, piano teachers, church, whatever
- your family/personal schedule (Muffy gets walked at 7, 1, and 9 ... The toddler gets juice at lunch but not after 4pm)
- bank account information
- passwords for any of your online accounts (so that family can leave a note or the accounts can be closed/pictures retrieved)
- anything else you think your family/friends should know
- pictures, last notes, video of you... something to say goodbye

I can't stress the will and living will enough.

What happens to you if you're knocked into a non-responsive coma by some drunk on the motorway? Do you want to linger there, brain dead, for weeks or years or do you want someone to pull the plug and let your body die? Without a living will your family could wind up not doing what you want, and it is your body. Even if you think everyone knows put it in writing, nobody is at their best during a crisis and arguments flare up over lots of things, don't let this be one of them.

No, no one wants to sit down and have a conversation at 23 about where they will be buried if they die suddenly, but if you're in a serious relationship you need to have that conversation.

For you creative types, make sure you state in your will who receive royalties, who will be in charge of your books, and what will happen to your unpublished work. As much as you love your family they may not be the best choice for handling rights to the books (although leaving them the royalties is probably a good idea if you like them).

No matter what you'd like to believe you aren't invincible. You aren't immortal. Don't leave everyone you love with a mess because you planned to do it "when I get old." I got bad news for you, kiddo. If you're old enough to read this blog you are old enough to need an I Love You box. Make it your weekend project, and remember not to drive intoxicated, drunk, or texting. Hands on the wheel, eyes on the road, and check twice for motorcycles so we can all arrive alive.

The Aquatic Fowl Have Achieved A Linear Arrangement

Or, in other words, the ducks are in a row.

The kids are back to school, the outlining is done, plans have been made for Heroes and Villains Book 2, and there are New Things coming soon.

I have a new day planner with my to-do list detailed for every day for the next two weeks. It will either work, or I will go insane. Do I need this much detail in my life? I have no idea, but it's better than running up against the inevitable feeling of being overwhelmed by everything and not knowing where to start. I hate that feeling. I hate looking at the chaos around me and not knowing what the first step is.

I am guest blogging a lot in the coming months. I didn't realize that until I filled out my calendar for the year, but I'm all over the place, including a guest post on Friday. The topic's a surprise, but I think you'll like it.

If you're an author with an upcoming SFR, sci-fi, mystery, or UF release coming out in the next month or so and would like it listed on my calendar there on the side bar leave me a note in the comments.

To everyone else, happy new year. I have consulted my crystal ball and I can promise you that 2013 is going to be a wild ride.

Don't Embrace The Boulders

The highway of life is filled with mole hills, bumps, potholes, and occasionally boulders. Big, fat, road-blocking boulders that fill all six lanes of your highway and stop forward momentum at fatal velocities.

Potholes are someone else's choice interfering with your forward progression, like the CEO embezzling a few billion dollars and your company going bankrupt. You have no control over this, and it's definitely going to throw you off your stride for a bit.

Mole hills are little things that may look big, like losing those last three pounds or remembering to get birthday cards in the mail by Friday. At the end of your life a mole hill is a trivial thing that's easily forgotten. Bumps are also small. They rattle you, but they won't kill you.

Boulders... those are a different beast entirely. Boulders are huge things that stop you from moving. Career-ending decisions. Dead end jobs. Addictions that throw you out of the loop of life and down to the sidelines.

Boulders take many forms. Sometimes they're an addiction. Sometimes they're a lifestyle choice. Sometimes the boulder is something we have very little control over, like a cancer diagnosis or clinical depression. Sometimes the boulder is something entirely of our own making.

Whatever the case, don't embrace the boulders.

I see too many people who see a boulder on the road of life and assume it's the end of the road.

The teen mom who's life came to a screeching halt because she had a kid, and fourteen years later she's never dated, never left home, never done anything but let one choice dictate her entire life. She's embraced the boulder and refuses to move on.

Or my alcoholic uncle who has lost his family and friends to his abusive drinking, who lives on the edge of poverty because his paycheck goes straight to the liquor store, and who doesn't understand why no one is excited that he's decided to try home brewing. Alcoholism is his boulder. He's embraced it. He has decided that alcohol is more important than anything else in life, and that he can't cut back on it because being an alcoholic is what he is.

The author who throws in the towel because on publishing house rejected their novel that came over the transom. ONE. Not hundreds of rejections. Not dozens of rejections. ONE REJECTION, and the author wants to quit because Sad Author wrote the book with that publisher in mind.

It makes me want to set my hair on fire!

I get it, I really do. Some of these are very hard things to deal with. Addictions aren't something you can always handle alone. Certainly a cancer diagnosis isn't something you can shrug off. Depression sucks, I know, I've got it. But, Dude! YOU ARE NOT DEAD.

It's a boulder. It's blocking your way. But it is not the end of the road.

Don't embrace the boulder. Don't sell yourself short and let a mistake or a low point in your life define you. You are so much more than the obstacles you face. You have infinite potential to do good and help others. You have the unrivaled ability to create something wholly unique and wonderful. Don't throw that all away because of a boulder.

What is my idea worth to you?

Li'l Sis visited this week, it was interesting. The two of us couldn't be more different. She's a carbon copy of our mother, I'm ... not. She has a masters degree and a job as a dietician at a hospital in the mountains (I'm bragging a little). I have a bachelors degree I rarely use, and live on the beach. She lives alone, I'm the mom with four kids and a dog.

Our distinctly different world views make for interesting conversations. On her last night here one of those conversations started with, "What did you think of my book?" (Pro Tip: Authors always want to know what you thought of their book. The answer is always, "I loved it!" even if you didn't. Only let an author know you hated their book from a safe distance.)

Li'l Sis gave me a guilty look. "Well... it's like this. Your book costs money."

"Only three dollars," I wheedled.

"Yeah, but I wouldn't own it," she said. "It's just an e-book."

"E-books have value!" I protested. "You're paying for an idea, rather than paying for a dead tree and shipping costs."

"But I can't own it. Besides, you write for fun. Why should I pay for your hobby? If you enjoy writing, you should pay me to read it."

We discussed e-books for a little while longer. I tried to persuade her that ideas have values of their own, that paying for an e-book was a way of paying the author for their time, talent, and effort. Li'l Sis insisted that writing and ideas must be free, if an author wants to be paid it should be on a patron system like Shakespeare survived on (or didn't - we'll debate that another day).

What was interesting was finding THIS ARTICLE in the Huffington Post this afternoon. Author Thomas Mullen turned himself in to the Department of Justice for his crime of colluding with publishers to make money off of his writing.

I guess Li'l Sis is with the majority here, authors are not worth anything. Computers are already replacing news writers, so why not fiction authors? Anyone can create a story, it's called lying in most places. Writing or typing those words down isn't much harder than writing an email (physically). There may be mental effort involved, perhaps a time commitment, but if a person wants to write and enjoys writing, then why should others be asked to pay for their enjoyment?

You only need to glance at the number of books for sale at Barnes and Noble or Amazon to see that there is no shortage of would-be novelists. People want to write novels! Well, some just want you to pay them for plagiarized nonsense, but most people want to write a book.

So what is a book worth? Is an e-book valueless because it isn't a physical thing? Are ideas not unique? Is the modern era one where art is no longer valued, and if we live in such an era, what does have value? Is your time worth something only if you're miserable? Should people who enjoy work not get paid?

Let me know what you think.

Stop And Smell The Roses

It's time for a little break from the hectic pace of life. Miss Pink is seven-year-old today. My, how time flies. My smallest baby, my biggest ham, the Silliest Goose... she's seven! A boy from school stopped by after class on Friday to give her a rose picked from his mother's garden.

One of her birthday presents is a visit from her favorite aunt, my Li'l Sis, who will be in town until Wednesday. While she's here I intend to take some family time, take some pictures, smell the roses, and celebrate all the wonderful things in life.

Have a fabulous day!
-Liana

Catching Up On a Busy Week

It's Thursday, do you know where your towel is?

I think mine's in the dryer, but it could be anywhere. For all I know Bambino grabbed my towel and The One True Monkey and is currently hitchhiking across the galaxy, but that's a story for another day.

This week has been just a little insane, but aren't they all crazy? I've been hopping around the blogosphere pole dancing for my debut novella EVEN VILLAINS FALL IN LOVE which now has a BUY LINK! I felt faint when I saw that.

All of you have been so nice and supportive through this whole thing, from rough draft to final copy, that I want to do something nice for you in return. I can't buy you all socks, but I can give some away, and I can give away a book.

Here's how it works:
Contest 1 On Monday one newsletter follower will be randomly picked to win a free copy of EVFIL. If you're already signed up, you're already entered! If you've already pre-ordered than you can give the copy away on your blog or to a friend.

Contest 2 I want pictures of EVFIL in the wild, which would be complicated because you'll have to take a picture of your e-reader. Still, I want to know what you love about the book, so grab your favorite quote and post on Twitter or FaceBook (bonus points if it comes with a picture of EVFIL in the wild) and make sure you @ me or tag me in the post. On May 4th I'll pick a winner of a pair of EVIL socks. The contest begins April 4th with the release of EVFIL - hashtag #EVFIL.



Tour Dates!
March 20th - Inkfever - I was supposed to be a scientist!
March 22nd - Mission To Read - Why We Love Mutants
March 27th - Emily Casey's Blog - Why We Need Villains
March 29th - Pippa Jay's Blog - Love For the Bad Boys
March 30th - Three Way Tie
April 2nd - Review at Mission To Read
April 4th - DEBUT!
April 6th - Review at Nayu's Reading Corner
April 9th - RiftWatcher
April 12th - Interview with Tory Michaels

The Top 5 Reasons I've Decided To Give Up Writing And Take Up Scorpion Petting

5 - Instant gratification! I won't have to wait weeks, months, or years to find out the results of my scorpion petting.

4 - No one will interrupt me while I am scorpion petting to tell me about the latest PTA fundraiser. They know scorpions are important.

3- No one will tell me I'm petting the wrong scorpion, or doing it the wrong way. And if they do I get to fling a scorpion in their face. Take that, critics!

2- Scorpion petting is a hobby that I could turn into a lucrative career, unlike writing where people expect me to give my work away for free.

1- If a scorpion goes missing you just need to check your shoes. If an editor goes missing you are confined to the limbo of Dante's Inferno.


I'm drifting today, waiting to find out what happened to my editor and what is going to happen with EVFiL. My faith in publishing is just a bit shaken. But... what can a writer do? We write, it's a knee-jerk reaction to being alive. A creative spark flies and you write it down, it's instinctive as breathing (and typos).

The whole EVFiL drama should be sorted out by Friday, which is payday. So, if things don't work out with this whole writing career idea, I can go buy some scorpions to pet. Even if the scorpion petting doesn't turn out to be a barrel of laughs, scorpions can always be dinner! (Don't open that link while eating - FYI)

You can still sign up for my newsletter for free book coupons. If the books don't pan out we can become the Scorpion Petting Support Group and talk about antivenom all day! Won't that be fun?

You're lack of enthusiasm for my back-up plan is showing...

Subscribe to my newsletter

Scorpion image found on Wikkimedia Commons and taken by Chris Huh.

Education Conference

I went to a women's conference today with topics on education and general life improvement. Besides getting to meet some awesome educators and other Really Intelligent People I met another local author. How cool is that?

Looking over my notes I see some things that can be adapted for the blog, both in relation to science and to writing. Once I get my head wrapped around everything I'll put up a post. There's some good stuff about cows, and fires, and fiery cows... really, it all makes sense in my notes!

Have a wonderful weekend,
Liana

You Will Never Do This...

Head on over to Seanan McGuire's blog and read up on her situation...

The book thing is out of her control. It messes with sales rankings and it shows Amazon being a complete and utter [phrase redacted for the children]. But the comments? The hate? That's 100% in your control.

Don't do this. Ever.

One person kindly suggested that sexual violence would be the appropriate response to my forcing Amazon to withhold ebooks. Another offered to slap the stupid out of me. And several stated that they would now be pirating all my books, because I had given up my right to their money (I had a right to their money?).

See, apparently, the ebooks are being withheld because I, personally, am trying to force everyone to buy my preferred format (physical). So sexual threats and relentless abuse are totally acceptable, because it just shows me the error of my ways.

Threatening a woman with sexual violence is never acceptable. There is no circumstance in this world or any other where this is OK. If you think it is please turn yourself over to the local police precinct and ask for a mental health evaluation before you hurt someone.

Let me address some of these concerns...

1) Authors never assume they have the right to your money. Most of us are scared to death you'll hate our work because publishing something makes us feel vulnerable. We put a ton of work into getting these stories perfect and we don't want that effort wasted.

2) Readers don't have a right to an author's work. It's awesome that you're a fan and all, but all that hard work belongs to the author. You have no right to punish someone by pirating their work. You want a free story, go write one yourself. Make up your own characters. Type your own words. Create your own world. I encourage it, you'll have fun, and you'll get your free book. Win-win.

3) Authors don't care what format you but their book in. Sorry, we aren't snobs like that. Hard cover, paperback, e-book... We want you to read our story, and we want to get paid for our work. Format is like font, we all have our favorites but it won't change the bottom line.

4) Sexual/physical threats and verbal abuse are never acceptable for anything from anyone. It doesn't matter if you are an author, a reader, or a random person who just happens to be breathing there is no situation where attacking a stranger is acceptable. Sexual threats and abuse aren't acceptable in any circumstances. I'll concede physical violence in self-defense, but otherwise? Save it for the fiction.

Are we clear? Promise me you'd never do anything like that, okay? I'd like to think you're all wonderful, well-adjusted people. And, pretty please, wait for the release date to buy a book.
- Liana

Help a Family Out... Get a Crit

I'm not the sort to beg, but I'm not above bribing you to do a little good if you can.

Kevin Zelnio (@kzelnio on Twitter) is a marine biologist and freelance author with a six-year-old son in the hospital. The kiddo had surgery yesterday, and the family has no health insurance to cover the bill. You can read the whole story HERE at Scientific American.

The crew over at #IAmScience has started a PayPal fund to help Kevin's family out.

I'll sweeten the pot. Send me a screen shot of your donation and I'll give you a crit. Zero to ten dollars for 1000 word crit, 10 to 20 dollars for a 2000 word crit and so on.

CLICK HERE to go straight to the PayPal page, and thank you for being generous. :o) Trust me, helping a little kid is worth skipping the Starbucks latte today.

ETA - The email button is on the left side under my bio, but if that's not working for you, liana (dot) brooks1 (at) gmail (dot) com

ETA 2- Yes, this includes non-fiction, queries, synopsis, ect. I won't fact-check for non-fiction, just correct basic spelling and grammar.

Bushels of Pink

Time to donate some blankets...

I'm currently playing the waiting game with Baby and trying some of this "bed rest" the doctor has been recommending for the past three months. Really, it's "waiting for the in-laws to arrive so I can have the baby" combined with "too sick too see straight because I have a head cold" but we can pretend I'm being good.

The good news is that the first round of content edits for EVEN VILLAINS FALL IN LOVE are done! *throws a party* I'm doing one final read through and sending the manuscript back to my editor before I collapse from exhaustion. And... I've seen the preliminary cover art for EVFIL. You're going to love it! Expect a full cover reveal sometime in February.


But now for the important Friday Question: What should I take to the hospital?

I have bags packed, and I feel like I need a sherpa! Surely I'm over-doing it somewhere. Do I need books, a laptop, AND movies? How many books do I need? What movies should I watch while tied down by IV?

With Bambino I brought the entire VATTA'S WAR series by Elizabeth Moon to read, which became very surreal when I was drugged up and couldn't remember what space station I was on (true story - me and sleeping pills have a very odd relationship). Because of my medical history I know I'll spend a good three days lying in a hospital bed. Three days of sleep sounds great in theory, but in practice it's boring as watching paint dry unless my iron levels dip and I get to sleep the whole time. Funny thing about hospitals, they usually don't let the anemic patients go without iron... So I'll have energy and nothing to do!

Suggestions? What movies and books should I pack?

Looking Ahead to 2012

The New Year is peeking around the corner. For some of my readers on the other side of the International Date Line 2012 may have already arrived. With the new years comes new goals. The standards are to lose weight, be a better person, or win the lottery. I'm not bothering with that.

Losing weight is a given, I'm having a baby in 2012! I may not be a size two in 2012, but a size two wouldn't be a healthy weight for my height so I'm not worried.

Being a better person is a vague goal. By whose standard should I be better? How do I measure progress? Unless there's a concrete, measurable standard the goal is just wishful thinking.

As for the lottery, well, I don't play the lottery so making a goal of winning it would be hypocritical and impossible to accomplish.

Instead, I'm setting some writing goals, and you can help me accomplish some of them! (Aren't you excited? No? Scared? Yes, probably.) My only requirement for goals this year be that they are concrete and measurable.

#1 - Hit All My Deadlines
Easy enough, but still a goal. I have a book under contract now and I want to finish all the edits by the deadlines my editor assigns.


#2 - Query JANE DOE
Again, I expect to hit this goal before mid-summer, but I'm giving myself a year to accomplish it just in case things get dicey in real life.

Note: This does not mean "find an agent" or "sell JANE DOE" all it means is that I will send queries. I can't control what agents or publishers do. And, as always, I have a back up plan if the query angle doesn't work out.


#3- Write JANE'S SHADOW
I want to have a complete draft of the second book in the Jane series by the end of 2012. I have a partial draft and an outline now. I might be able to write and polish JANE'S SHADOW this year, but it will depend on outside factors, like deadlines for EVFIL and what happens with JD.


#4- Write Another SFR Novella
This is a "Just For Fun" goal. I have several ideas of what I would like to write, and I know at some point I'll want a break from Jane. This is my fallback-for-sanity writing project.


#5- Schedule a Blog Tour for EVEN VILLAINS FALL IN LOVE
This is where you can help! EVFIL comes out in April (provided I don't run into any major SNAFUs), and promotion makes or breaks a book. Copies will be going out to reviewers, I intend to do giveaways and have a party on the blog, but I'd also like to take the book on tour and promote it around the blogosphere.

This means networking and planning, two things I need to work on. It also means that if you have a blog, and are looking for a guest author in the March/April time frame, I'd love to help you out. ;o)

If you don't have a blog you can help out by visiting the blogs where I'm touring. Everyone needs groupies, and other bloggers love the extra visitors that guest authors bring in. So grab your most atrociously matched outfit, a fruity drink, and come play tourist when I go on tour!

What are your goals for 2012?

Looking Back on 2011

First off... WHEEEEE!!!!

EVEN VILLAINS FALL IN LOVE is off to the editor! First round of edits are complete!!!!

*happy dance*

Second, for the life of me I cannot find a post from last January where I made goals for 2011. I'm not really surprised by that, I moved twice in 2011 and there's not many situations more stressful than packing things up and moving across the country when you're trying to write on a deadline.

Even without the goals, 2011 turned out well.

I started the year with a vague idea of what I wanted, and part of a rough draft, for JANE DOE. I'm now on the eleventh draft and getting ready to query. That's not fast, not by any stretch of the imagination. Most authors who are publishing finish two books a year (rough draft to polished final product). The self-published authors who are doing well are doing two to four books in that same amount of time.

JANE DOE is also the first novel I've taken this far in the editing process. Hopefully, I'll get better at this and be able to write more than one novel a year!

When 2011 started EVFIL wasn't even an inkling of an idea. I played with the opening in the spring, and started writing it in the summer for the Samhain Superhero Anthology. I didn't get in, but it did sell and I've finished the first rounds of edits (I may have mentioned that already). For an unplanned project, that's not too shabby!

A year of editing has helped me grow as a writer, I think. I'm using commas accurately the first time, I'm catching aspects of the plot that won't work earlier, and I'm using my editing/writing time better. Not perfectly, but better.

Overall, I think 2011 was a productive year. I didn't conquer the world, but I'm moving in the right direction if I want to build a writing career.

How was 2011 for you?
- Liana

Battery at 10% - Please Recharge

Sigh... isn't he cute? Ten points to Gryffindor and a gold star if you know what this little critter is (Amy doesn't count because she sent him to me). Some days you just need to stop, smile, and play with the invertebrates.

Today I'm taking some time off from writing. Maybe going beach combing with the kids. Maybe just lazing around the house and enjoying a good book.

After a long week the brain needs to recharge, and so does the soul. I found myself staring at writing on Friday with no creative inspiration hitting me. Everything felt flat. None of my stories grabbed my interest. Even the house remodeling has ground to a halt in this chilly November weather. The only thing that did interest me was seashell hunting at the beach.

Why? I honestly can't say what the appeal is in a rationale fashion.

The good seashell beach is an hour away. It's not very warm out, and a little but windy, both which make for miserable days at the beach. And dragging three kids out for an adventure when I really want to nap in the hammock sounds borderline psycho ward time. But there's something soothing about walking along sugar sand beaches next to clear blue waters and picking up delicate gems of the ocean.

My favorite holiday memories all involve beaches. My favorite Christmas ever was a hot, humid Christmas spent on an island near Houston chasing crabs and peacocks, collecting seashells, and decorating the trees with dried chili peppers while lanterns flickered in the dark. The smell of wassail, chili, and Granddad's coffee in the morning mixed with a salty sea breeze and the sound of sailboats creaking in the harbor.

A writer needs those kind of memories more than chocolate. Before you can write about life, you need to have a life. We need to experience the wind in our face, the grass between our toes, the rain, the sun, the burnt dinners with friends, and the gourmet meals with family.

Friday my writing felt flat because I was flat. I've invested every spare moment to writing or editing for over a month. I haven't taken the time to stop and smell the roses, to experience life. So I'm off to the beach to recharge my battery and get some fresh air.

What do you do to recharge?

The Health Benefits of Beating Yourself Up Over A Mistake

It's a common scene. You make a mistake, something simple, and you spend the rest of the day worrying it over in your mind. This sensation of "beating yourself up over a mistake" is closely tied to guilt and empathy, two things science says are good for you.

So what is the health benefit behind beating yourself up over every little mistake? THERE IS NONE.

Guilt is part of empathy. It lets you understand you've hurt someone else, or done something socially unacceptable.

Empathy is what separates adults from infants and psychopaths. The child who pulls out your earring and giggles while you scream and bleed doesn't understand you're in pain - they lack empathy. Hopefully the infant will outgrow this trait before they become and adult and start torturing people for fun.

Beating yourself up over small mistakes or social errors has no benefit. It is a symptom of depression, but other than being a warning sign it's not helping you at all. The good news is that depression is treatable. You don't need to beat yourself up over things any more! Awesome!

And if it isn't about depression? Let it go and be happy. Not sure how? If you don't feel like Googling "How To Be Happy" then here's the short list...

Volunteer - Doing something nice for other people is always a mood booster.

Get outside and Get moving - Sunshine and exercise are both great for mood boosting.

Get Some Sleep - Sleep deprivation not only causes hallucinations, but it makes you cranky too

Eat Something - Low blood sugar affects your mood (eat healthy!).

Address Underlying Causes - Undiagnosed illness, bad relationships, unhealthy habits... all those can lead to a state of near-depression where you find yourself beating yourself up over mistakes. Get out of toxic relationship and get your health checked.

Build Healthy Relationships - Even introverts need a few close friends they can go to when stressed. It doesn't matter if they're family or not, find people who understand you and can help you on the gloomy days.

Laugh - It really is the best medicine.

Don't Worry What Other People Think Honestly? Most people are way too busy wondering what you are thinking about them to have the time to judge you. We all get stuck in our own little bubbles sometimes, it happens. Don't assume it's all about you.

Find The Good Change the way you think. Instead of noticing all the negative things (something we're trained to do by society and mass media) look for the positive in people. On the train ride to work try to think one nice thing about everyone you see: cute shoes, nice hat, good smile... Then turn the trick on yourself: super cute shoes, awesome smile, fabulous personality :o)

Have a happy weekend!
Liana

Happiness photo found here and used under Fair Use license.

Failure IS An Option...

KD Sarge has an amazing post called Failure IS An Option. Love it!

And I agree 100%. Life is about choices. It's about choosing what you want to happen. No one will hand you the world on a platter. Dodging consequences is immature. By age 18 you should know all the rules. You should know that driving too fast on icy roads and texting leads to car wrecks. You should know sex without birth control leads to pregnancy and STDs. You should know that skipping school or work won't get you good grades or a steady job.

On the other hand, hard work pays off, and that's a consequence you should understand too. It doesn't always pay off right away, and often not as soon as you want, but hard work always pays off. Putting your butt in the chair and typing every day will get a book written. Going to work every day and doing your job even when your co-workers make your eye twitch will earn you a paycheck. Sanding, and hammering, and measuring, and painting will turn raw wood (or broken tables) into working furniture.

You can fail; but only if you choose to fail by quitting. In the meantime, fairness has nothing to do with it. Decide where you want to go in life, then make the choices that will get you there.