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Monday, March 12, 2012

The Top 5 Reasons I've Decided To Give Up Writing And Take Up Scorpion Petting

5 - Instant gratification! I won't have to wait weeks, months, or years to find out the results of my scorpion petting.

4 - No one will interrupt me while I am scorpion petting to tell me about the latest PTA fundraiser. They know scorpions are important.

3- No one will tell me I'm petting the wrong scorpion, or doing it the wrong way. And if they do I get to fling a scorpion in their face. Take that, critics!

2- Scorpion petting is a hobby that I could turn into a lucrative career, unlike writing where people expect me to give my work away for free.

1- If a scorpion goes missing you just need to check your shoes. If an editor goes missing you are confined to the limbo of Dante's Inferno.

I'm drifting today, waiting to find out what happened to my editor and what is going to happen with EVFiL. My faith in publishing is just a bit shaken. But... what can a writer do? We write, it's a knee-jerk reaction to being alive. A creative spark flies and you write it down, it's instinctive as breathing (and typos).

The whole EVFiL drama should be sorted out by Friday, which is payday. So, if things don't work out with this whole writing career idea, I can go buy some scorpions to pet. Even if the scorpion petting doesn't turn out to be a barrel of laughs, scorpions can always be dinner! (Don't open that link while eating - FYI)

You can still sign up for my newsletter for free book coupons. If the books don't pan out we can become the Scorpion Petting Support Group and talk about antivenom all day! Won't that be fun?

You're lack of enthusiasm for my back-up plan is showing...

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Scorpion image found on Wikkimedia Commons and taken by Chris Huh.


  1. Well said. I've petted a cobra, so a scorpion is a piece of ... um, cake?

    I'll join the team.

  2. Saw this on RJSWriter's feed. Wonderfully said. I've had similar urges many a time.

  3. *hugs*

    Can't imagine the stress this throws your way. Go cuddle the Bunny for a while and let this all play out as it will.

  4. My preferred way of petting scorpions is with the flat side of an entrenching tool at high speed and in rapid succession. Met lots of those little critters in Panama. I think there was one under every rock. Get it together it is just one little log jam and as levels rise you know that when it breaks loose you won't be able to keep up with it all. Just hang with it till it does. When you write your "How I broke into writing" story you will have some good advice to give. I know you will get through this cause you are Tuffie, I can tell it. It is in your character. What other pregnant woman would climb through a window. Most would just sit down and bawl. Just keep writing. Start a journal on the whole episode. Later

  5. Marva - Awesome! We can share ER stories and bring our scorpions to show 'n tell at schools!

    Anonymous - It's petting scorpions or selling shoes, honestly, I know more about scorpions. I'm a sock or sandal type of person. :o)

    Stephanie - Always good advice. *cuddles her Grumble Bunny*

    JA - :o( Me too.

    Ric - LOL! I've heard we have scorpions in the area, but I have yet to see any. Hitting them at high speeds sounds like the safest way to pet a scorpion, to be sure. :o)

  6. Oh, wow. I hope everything works out okay. I will be a part of your Scorpion Petting Support Group as long as I don't have to, erm, pet any scorpions. :D

  7. Lindsey - You can be our official photographer and Designated Driver to the ER. :o)

  8. I have a great fear of spiders, so maybe if I were to rebel, I could get my own spider?

  9. So, Mercury's retrograde has gotten you, too? Such a bummer. The fault lies not within our stars but within our planets. Stupid Mercury. S'all right. I'll trade writing for scorpions. It actually sounds less painful.

  10. Best of luck to you with your EVFiL drama. My scorpions are virtual, but I'll gladly pet them with you.

  11. So tempted to create a Scorpion Petting badge... >:)

  12. Diane - I can send you a recipe for spiders if it would help. I figure if it's edible it can't be scary. :o)

    Summer - Is that what it is? Let's blame Mercury! Maybe we should throw spears at it or something...

    Jean - Yay! Another scorpion petter! See? My new career is working already!

    Amy - You really should...

  13. Sorry about your missing editor and hope they turn up.

  14. It's so adorable when scorpions begin to purr and coo...wait, those are kittens. Sorry, my bad.
    Hang in there, times like these are why alcohol, chocolate, and friends were invented.