Time to get in shape people (and aliens, and typing dogs, and exceptionally intelligent goats)!
2009 is just a few hours away and to get us all ready for a new and thrilling year I've come up with some exercises to stretch our brains. 52.... One for every Wednesday in 2009.
Are you ready?
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Nona had lived a very simple life before this, she's never had much as a child because her parents were very poor.
What an ugly sentence! The urge to edit makes my hands itch.
Do 6 crunches and then list what you would do to fix this terrible sentence. How could you show that Nona used to live a spartan existence? What mannerisms do people who lived in poverty cultivate? What would you expect Nona to do in various situations? How is Nona going to be different from her neighbors that have always had plenty of what they wanted?
this is a pretty cool idea!
ReplyDeleteAre you going to do the workout?
ReplyDeleteI'm doing it the other way around...only because I've just eaten dinner and doing 6 crunches with enchiladas in my tummy = lets not go there.
ReplyDeleteTo fix the sentence I would....
* ask a writer to rewrite it :) (sorry, still on sugar high).
People who live in poverty appreciate what they can get their hands on. They may be hoarders. I'd expect Nona to do the hula....(sorry).
*giggles*
I think I'd better do this another day when I'm off the sugar. :D
P.S. I'll add mine tomorrow morning when everyone else has had a shot.... It's not cheating! I swear I already have the list.
ReplyDeleteAnd I retain the right to challenge anyone and make them explain. Feel free to challenge me and make me explain my list if you like. :o)
Yuna- you get crazier every time I talk to you :o)
ReplyDelete:D It's the sugar! and the general happiness.
ReplyDeleteImagine how crazy my wips are getting :D
Realises that I'm just not in a sensible mood to do this exercise and probably won't be for a while. Looking forward to reading the responses.
Still think she'll do the hula....
Okay, first off, here's the grammatical changes I would make to the current sentence...
ReplyDeleteNona lived a very simple life before this. She's never had much as a child because her parents were very poor.
Now that's pretty boring, I'll admit. So let's get to your questions.
(1) How could you show that Nona used to live a spartan existence?
I would have her looking around a room in total awe of her rich, physical surroundings.
(2) What mannerisms do people who lived in poverty cultivate?
They don't dare touch anything expensive or nice, so they'd keep their hands clasped in their lap.
They might dart their eyes around always wondering if somebody thinks they're going to steal something.
Might take a deep breath and savor the smell of good food.
Walk slowly past a nice car, wondering what it would be like to ride inside.
(3) What would you expect Nona to do in various situations?
Um, pretty vague question there, Lei.
I have no idea what situation she is in now. I would expect that if she is well off now, that she might splurge and do a lot of nice things for herself. That is, if she feels comfortable and safe doing so. Did she get into a good situation in such a way that makes her feel justified?
(4) How is Nona going to be different from her neighbors that have always had plenty of what they wanted?
I would think she'd be more humble about things. She wouldn't take advantage of her situation. She'd probably be willing to share her fortune. She might not fit in with the wealthy crowd at all. She'll probably feel uncomfortable around them.
So with all that in mind... hmmm, to fix the sentence.
Nona clasped her hands and rested them in her lap. With eyes studying every piece of jewelry and fine stitch of clothing on the woman in front of her, she thought back on her previous life and how merely sitting in the presence of such wealth had been unimaginable.
That's rough, but gives you an idea of what I'd write, anyway. :)
*cheers for exceptionally intelligent goats*
ReplyDelete*does 6 crunches*
Nona had lived a very simple life before this. As a child, she'd become more used to rags and grime than luxury and shine, and the sheer cleanness of the room made her feel small and dirty like she'd never felt before. She hunched over her legs, tucking the broad strip of cotton that served as a skirt more tightly under her knees. Perhaps if she just kept still, no one would notice she was there, notice she was dirtying up the room just by existing in it - and no one would ask her to leave.