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Tuesday, April 7, 2015

What do they teach in school these days?

Story time! This was too long for Twitter so I'm sharing here.

Bug is my 5-year-old son (who isn't really named Bug but this is the internet and I'm all about privacy) and he's in kindergarten. And he's at his fourth school because we move to much. And today he had his first health class where he learned about drugs. So this is how our after-school conversation went.

Bug: I went to health today.

Me: Cool. *I assumed they would discuss normal things like brushing teeth and the importance of bathing more than once a week. I was wrong.*

Bug: We learned about drugs today.

Me: Okay. *Wonders what kind of drugs they talked about and what they said because pot's legal in Alaska and that's not a conversation I think a five-year-old will understand.*

Bug: Drugs are bad.

Me: That's right. *Except for all the prescription drugs that keep you alive. But let's not try to do nuances here.*

Bug: Yeah, drugs are bad. If you take them you get sick.

Me: That's right.

Bug: And then you turn into a zombie.

Me: Um.... *Did he watch iZombie in health class? Or Buffy? Where did he get this idea?*

Bug: And then people shoot you because the drugs made you a zombie.

Me: Uh.... *Did they watch Walking Dead in health class? Is that allowed? Since when did health class become fun? My health classes never covered zombies!*

Bug: There are a lot of drugs in Minecraft.

Me: .... o.0

Bug: That's why I like Minecraft.

Me: I really thought Minecraft was about building. *I really need to pay better attention to the games my kids play.*

Bug: And zombies.

Me: Ooooookayyyyy.... Um...

Bug: Mom?

Me: Yes, sweetie?

Bug: I really like health class. Learning about zombies is fun.

Me: That's great, but you got the point about drugs are bad, right? Don't eat anything unless mommy gives it to you. Okay?

Bug: What if I find a skittle on the ground?

Me: No.

Bug: Oh. Mom?

Me: Yes, dear?

Bug: I found a skittle at recess. ~ awkward pause~ It was yummy.

... Does anyone else know about the drugs = zombies curriculum? Did Bug make this up? Did Bug misunderstand something? Is the Alaska school system really that crazy? We may never know


  1. ROFL

    From my experience with kids he probably mixed up several conversations. Most likely, some of that was from his teacher and some from his classmates.

    Considering what people create in Minecraft, it's possible he's seen zombies or else he's referring to the Creeper.

    But yeah, checking on what games your kids play is always a good thing to do. I still check out what my daughter plays and she's 30. Although now I check it out to see if it's something I'd want to play. :)

    1. I think he assumed there were drugs because there were zombies? Maybe? I've no idea honestly.

    2. Kids can assume things and mix up things very easily. Maybe talking to his teacher would clarify it a bit. Then again, you might just end up even more confused.

      Sorry about the delay in responding. I fell the other day and was in too much pain to go on the computer until now.

  2. I wonder if the 'drugs' Bug is referring to in Minecraft are the various potions (enhance speed, damage, that sort of thing). Though, under most non-modded circumstances, they don't turn a character into a zombie (and if Bug is modding his game by himself already, then you need to get him into some programming classes ASAP to encourage his computer skills).

    Speaking of confusing conversations, I had this conversation the other day with my son:

    Son: Dad, what's some penis? (This is what I think I hear).
    Me: Huh? Uh, we discussed this before. Because you're a boy you have one.
    Son: No, no, no, some penis?
    Me: What the heck are you talking about?
    Son: At the courthouse. They serve some penis.
    Me: Oh! Subpoenas.

    1. That was like Eldest's first visit to a new friend's house when she was 6.

      Me: What did you do?
      E: we watched Penis and Fur! It was great!
      Me: 0.0
      *calls other mom*
      Me: What did my daughter watch at your house?
      Her: Phineas and Furb.