Story time! This was too long for Twitter so I'm sharing here.
Bug is my 5-year-old son (who isn't really named Bug but this is the internet and I'm all about privacy) and he's in kindergarten. And he's at his fourth school because we move to much. And today he had his first health class where he learned about drugs. So this is how our after-school conversation went.
Bug: I went to health today.
Me: Cool. *I assumed they would discuss normal things like brushing teeth and the importance of bathing more than once a week. I was wrong.*
Bug: We learned about drugs today.
Me: Okay. *Wonders what kind of drugs they talked about and what they said because pot's legal in Alaska and that's not a conversation I think a five-year-old will understand.*
Bug: Drugs are bad.
Me: That's right. *Except for all the prescription drugs that keep you alive. But let's not try to do nuances here.*
Bug: Yeah, drugs are bad. If you take them you get sick.
Me: That's right.
Bug: And then you turn into a zombie.
Me: Um.... *Did he watch iZombie in health class? Or Buffy? Where did he get this idea?*
Bug: And then people shoot you because the drugs made you a zombie.
Me: Uh.... *Did they watch Walking Dead in health class? Is that allowed? Since when did health class become fun? My health classes never covered zombies!*
Bug: There are a lot of drugs in Minecraft.
Me: .... o.0
Bug: That's why I like Minecraft.
Me: I really thought Minecraft was about building. *I really need to pay better attention to the games my kids play.*
Bug: And zombies.
Me: Ooooookayyyyy.... Um...
Me: Yes, sweetie?
Bug: I really like health class. Learning about zombies is fun.
Me: That's great, but you got the point about drugs are bad, right? Don't eat anything unless mommy gives it to you. Okay?
Bug: What if I find a skittle on the ground?
Bug: Oh. Mom?
Me: Yes, dear?
Bug: I found a skittle at recess. ~ awkward pause~ It was yummy.
... Does anyone else know about the drugs = zombies curriculum? Did Bug make this up? Did Bug misunderstand something? Is the Alaska school system really that crazy? We may never know
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