Let's pretend everything is normal.
Let's ignore the job my husband applied for in Alaska yesterday. Let's pretend my friend didn't call me from an isolation ward of a hospital yesterday. Let's pretend my mother's biopsy didn't come back for Stage 2 cancer.
Let's pretend none of that happened, because at this point, I can't handle anything. My life is great. Everything in my tiny little me-centric universe if wonderful. I slept well last night. My kids are healthy. My husband is still not working in Alaska. Writing is going well. So why am I stressed out?
Probably because I'm human. We're a social species, our planetary dominance is an out reach of our numbers and our civilization building ways. Individual humans are weak. Left without the help of other humans the majority of our species would die (especially if left while very young). We are species slow to mature, slow to learn, and - alas - slow to forgive.
Really, it's a wonder we've survived as long as we have.
Now, I have a confession here, I'm a Fixer. This is usually considered to be a male dominant trait, but it's my personality. I try to fix things. If you tell me you have a problem my gut instinct is to look for a solution. That's just how I'm wired. I probably could change, but why? Things need fixing. I enjoy fixing things. It works. Let's not mess with this.
But it's really hard to be a Fixer when the people you love are far away. Or something like the plane crash in the Ukraine. I want to help. I want to make it better for those people, but there's nothing I can do. The same with my friend and my mother, I have to rely on doctors I've never met who are humans just like me (with a slightly different educational background and a different life experience) to take care of people I love while I sit here and do nothing.
I'm developing an eye twitch.
Sitting here doing nothing is killing me. I'm getting cranky. My muscles are tense and tight. It's sort of an inverse depression where I'm not weighed down by some internal malfunction but being squeezed to death by outside forces I can't control. There's a legitimate reason for concern here (unlike most my battles with depression than spring from a broken somethingorother in my brain). But I don't know how to cope.
What do you do when life gets like this?
How do you handle the emergencies and disasters that you see but can't impact?
Leave me some suggestions in the comment box. I need a way to cope with this and eating all the chocolate chips in the house is not the healthiest way to do this.
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