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Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Somedays... (this post contains spiders)

Have I mentioned there are spiders at my house? Like... a lot of spiders? Like... unhealthy amounts of spiders? Okay, cool, consider this me mentioning the insane number of spiders the wet summer has produced. 

And we all know that I have this really bad habit of locking myself out of the house which has led me to a life of crime and hitchhiking

These two things are related. Promise. 

Anyways. Since I keep breaking windows to get in the house I thought I'd be a smart person and go get a spare house key made. And then, to be extra clever, I'd put it somewhere ridiculously easy to remember and safe like the bike room of the barn. No, you can't use this information to break into my house, here's why...



Of course not.

Because we have a billion spiders around the house and most of them are not poisonous. Except for this cute colony of brown widows (like Black Widows but with no superpowers, just poison) that decided to camp around where I put the spare house key.

Can you guess what happened this morning? I bet you can.

Yup. I locked myself out of the house. We were running late for school, it was starting to rain, and the baby was fussing, and my car keys were dangling on the inside of the house behind a freshly locked door.

AHA! I triumphantly ran to the barn, threatened to tell the KGB where the spiders were hiding if they bit me, grabbed the key, and ran back to the house. Now, see, in a normal narrative this is the where the Smart And Beautiful Heroine sticks the spare key in the door, unlocks the door, and gets everyone to school on time.

Laugh with me now... Ha! Ha! Ha!

The key didn't fit. It was the right cut but too wide. I jammed the key in anyway, unlocked the door, closed the door, and... well... I left the fat key in the door because I don't have the muscle tone to pull it out. It's like Excalibur in the stone waiting for Arthur's arrival.

Exasperated I called my husband up to retell my tale of woe. "I had to fight spiders for a key and then the key got stuck in the door and the door will never lock again!"

"Were you playing Zelda?"


All the world's a stage and we are all merely poor players in this comedy of life. And in this comedy I'm the girl holding all the punchlines.

So... how's your week going? Found any spiders yet?


  1. o.O What is the strange and terrifying yellow blob of a spider in the second picture?

    Also, punchlines. Sigh. :D

    1. The spider in the top left is a Golden Banana Spider. The second spider is an orb weaver of some kind, they come in a variety of colors, build large webs, and are usually spiky but not poisonous.

  2. I have SEEN that terrifying yellow spider. It is big. It is harmless (so I am told). It still scares the crap out of me. :D

  3. *grins* I learned a long time ago to check any keys made as spares or for every member of the family. There has only been one time when the key made didn't work properly. We were able to take it back and exchange for a copy that worked.

    We're having a problem with spiders and beetles this year. Not too bad but when there are two arachnophobics in the house, any spider is a problem.