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Tuesday, May 15, 2012

I Quit My Day Job

I'm a nighttime writer, well, a 5am writer. During the daytime hours I have a real job, and let me tell you, my boss is a tyrant.

Every time I hear The Boss scream I want to dive for my earplugs and hide. I want to sit there and sing my favorite song, but I don't think she'd approve of the lyrics. So I don't. I put up with The Boss's demands. I do breakfast runs, lunch runs, and dinner runs on late nights. I'm on call every hour of the night. The Boss is psychic. If it even looks like I might sit down for five minutes during daylight hours she shrieks like a harpy.

My co-workers aren't much help. There are two people staffed for my position, but the other guy always has an excuse. And he takes all the out-of-town gigs so I'm stuck in the office with The Boss. Some days it feels like all I do is clean up other people's messes. You know? I swear, there are days I'm amazed they can wipe their own butts.

Don't even get me started on the middle management. I'm pretty sure the company Vice President is ADHD, either that or he has a meth addiction. Whatever it is, he needs treatment. This whole past week he's shown up at work shirtless. Sure, the weather is warm and, yes, he puts a shirt on eventually. But would you walk into work without a shirt on? I don't think so.

And then today one of the middle managers came to me and dropped her work load on me. "I don't want to do it," she confessed. "It's too much work. I have other things I want to do."

I looked at my life. I looked at my degree and my goals and all those plans I made when I was young and starry eyed and said... "Me too. I'm missing girl's night on the beach because my co-worker isn't here and I'm pulling double shifts. So, you know what? I quit."

I grabbed my purse and my keys and headed for the door. Laughter, sunset on the beach, and the best grill in town was calling my name. "Tell The Boss she can get her own dinner tonight."

I didn't even bother asking for my back pay, although they owe me. I knew that there could be a delay in pay when I signed up for this ten years ago, that happens with contract work like this, but ten years and not a single red cent? Oh, yeah, bluer skies lay ahead.

Half way to my car the middle management caught up with me. "Mommy!" the seven-year-old shrieked. "I love you! I'll sweep the floor!"

The other half of middle management, who is ten in July, grabbed my hand. "Mommy! Dinner is burning!"

The VP, a exuberant almost-three-year-old came running toward me. "Mommy car ride?" He was all for this idea. He likes the grill at the beach.

From inside I heard The Boss screaming for dinner. She's almost three months old and I have have the only lactating boobs in this joint, so she loves me for that. I should complain about having a boss who only loves me for my body, but she has these big gray eyes and sometimes it's hard to say no.

So, three minutes after quitting my day job, I went back to work. Don't worry, I managed to negotiate a new contract, I don't fold laundry any more.

The Boss approves this message.


  1. LOL!!! I loved this! I so feel like quitting my job too, but they've got me hook, line, and sinker!

    1. I've tried going on strike too. They didn't notice. At least quitting got a reaction. I'll probably get a phone call from their teachers this afternoon.

  2. My eyes kept getting wider until...ah, yes, the twist! LOL Loved it!

  3. I sympathize. Motherhood is WORK. Du you know anyone through church or activites that might be willing to babysit? If not for Bunny than to at least take the other three, (especially Bambino) for a few hours of (almost) peace?
    I only have one child, and sometimes I question my ability to 'do it all'. I look at the workload of Moms with several kids and I quake with fear. My nieces are 10, and 6, and they have a 1 yr old brother, sometimes I babysit them with my 5 yo. I can last maybe three hours, tops.
    *hugs* But you can do it! Bunny will grow to a point that she doesn't need you every couple hours, and maybe, just maybe, there will be glorious naps! Hang in there, and if you ever need to vent you can always talk to me.

    1. We're slowly making friends in this new area. Bambino isn't old enough for any of the pre-k programs and most of our neighbors are elderly, but eventually I'll find people to trade off with.

  4. I think that co-worker owes you a couple of days off while he picks up your slack for a change! :)

    1. I made him read when he got in late. Alas, he still has to go on his June business trip. I offered to go for him, but he shot down that idea.

  5. I've tried that going on strike business. All it did was leave an even larger mess for me to clean up.

    There have been several times lately when I've been soooo tempted to write "I QUIT" on the whiteboard and just go out for the day. Unfortunately, my co-worker would panic just because of that pesky health issue of mine.

    Everyone keeps telling me that I'm the Boss yet I'm the one doing all the work. I think it's time for a training seminar on work responsibilities.

  6. I love, love, love this!! It was nice to have a laugh while reading this, when just 10 minutes ago I was ready to give my notice ;)