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Thursday, July 24, 2008

World Domination And Other Distractions

Actual conversation today:

Me: Anyway to become rich and famous overnight?
Friend: Well, many people seem to think that happens to writers.
All of us: Excessive laughter and wiping of tears
Friend: *blinks innocently*
But...but...so many people believe that's true. It can't be false. It can't! I mean, it's not that hard to write a book is it? You just sit down, write, put on the spell check, and somewhere (somehow) it gets published. Then it's all bonbons and snazzy berets from there.
Obviously I need a new computer. Mine doesn't even have a "print hardcover" option on available. And I'm missing the software that let's you write an overnight sensation overnight for the six figure advance.

Let's face it, there are people who want to know why your NaNo novel isn't published yet. I mean- come on!- you wrote the silly thing last November, didn't you? And you said you finished it? So why aren't you selling the movie rights yet?

These people are the polar opposites of the doom-and-gloom crowd who delight in telling you that you will never be published and that you need to hustle out and get the proverbial "real job."

Both sides are rather annoying. They have a limited appreciation for books and know almost nothing about publishing as an industry.

Sadly, some first time authors fall into the category too. I wrote my first novel by hand, typed it up years later, and was convinced I was a few short weeks (go on and laugh) from driving (yikes!) to meet an agent (scary!) and cold-pitching my book to them (noob!). I was saved by the random stumbles of Google upon the archives of the ever-wise Miss Snark.

Can you just picture some house-wife showing up in clothes that were in fashion 3 years ago, 2 kids in tow, and a 500 page single-spaced manuscript at the nearest agents office?

The sheer magnitude of my naivete scares me sometimes.

I didn't do that. If I had I'm sure the story would have hit industry blogs by now.

And I'm not querying that same manuscript. Even the fourth edition has been shoved under the bed. The premise is cute (although not very original). The worst typos have been fixed (they were bad). But I still think I need to either let the idea whither and die - quick pause to morn characters - or redo the entire book, take the essence and the quirks of the characters and reform into something new.


But that's a post for another day!

Today my random conversation with friends spawned it's very own short story about an author named Horace Jones. Horace lives in a bookless house with his terrier named Domino. He has six books published, all that were NYT best sellers. And he lives in fear of Book 7. I love Horace. I love that he's neurotic, I love that he labels his food by which event he brought it home from, and I love that he eats a candy bar for dinner while Domino eats his left over steak. It is a short story, but Horace Jones may get revenge some day and come back for future rainy day adventures. :)

Which leads me (the long way) to my Goals for August (Look! I'm early!):
- Finish the third draft of DoJ
- Finish the last 3 chapter of Bryson
- Write at least 3 short stories in August
- Find a place to submit one short story and do so (just one- magazines are scary places)
- Do at least 2 character pieces for the blog.
- Try and find someone to draw me a character sketch

And if I'm really on the ball I can get Bryson taken care of before July is over!

Hooray for plans!

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